Inside Out 2: Pixar’s Take on IFS
Pixar's Inside Out 2 explores the intricacies of mixed emotions and maps on well with the Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy model.
In this sequel, new emotions—Anxiety, Envy, Embarrassment, and Ennui—emerge and challenge the original emotions: Joy, Fear, Anger, and Disgust.
The new emotions deem the originals obsolete and banish them from headquarters.
Embarrassment, Anxiety, Envy, and Ennui take over the control board of Riley’s system.
This scenario may resonate with many of us who have experienced one dominant feeling attempting to overshadow others. The film underscores a crucial lesson: all emotions, old and new, are essential to our humanity. Attempting to suppress or eliminate parts of ourselves only denies the full spectrum of our emotional experience and the complexity of our lives.
Ask yourself:
“When have I ever felt just one way about something?”
In Riley's inner world, the original emotions must return before the new ones can fundamentally change her.
Inside Out 2 powerfully illustrates how we can hold and navigate multiple, sometimes conflicting feelings at once, reflecting the nuanced reality of our emotional experiences. All the emotions from Inside Out 2 show us how our internal world is more complex than a single feeling or response and that it's entirely normal to have mixed feelings about any given situation.
Sometimes it can be helpful to remind ourselves that there is room for every one inside.
Internal Family Systems 101
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic model that delves into the complexity of the human mind by viewing it as a system composed of various parts. Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, IFS offers a unique perspective on understanding and healing the Self.
The Concept of Parts:
In IFS, the mind is seen as having distinct parts, each with its own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. These parts can take on different roles, ranging from protective to wounded, and they influence our reactions and decision-making.
Some of the most well known parts you might have heard of before are the “Inner Child” and the “Inner Critic.”
The “Inner Child” represents the part of us that carries memories, emotions, and experiences from our early years. Exploring and connecting with the inner child can lead to healing past wounds and nurturing a sense of playfulness and authenticity.
The “Inner Critic” is the internal voice that often manifests as self-judgment, doubt, and harsh criticism. It stems from societal expectations, parental influences, or past experiences that shaped our beliefs about ourselves.
By acknowledging and nurturing the “Inner Child” while challenging the negative narratives of the “Inner Critic,” we pave the way for a more compassionate and resilient sense of self.
The Self:
At the core of IFS is the concept of the Self, which represents the calm, compassionate, and confident essence within each individual.
The goal of IFS therapy is to cultivate a harmonious relationship between the Self and various parts, fostering inner balance.
Understanding Protectors and Firefighters:
Protectors are parts of us that aim to shield us from pain or vulnerability. They often manifest as perfectionism, criticism, or anger.
Firefighters are reactive parts that emerge when protectors fail, leading to impulsive behaviors, addictions, or intense emotional reactions.
Exiles and Healing:
Exiles are wounded parts that carry past traumas and emotions. IFS focuses on bringing compassion to these exiled parts to promote healing.
In session, we can establish a connection with exiles, creating a safe space for acknowledgment and resolution.
The IFS Process:
IFS therapy involves guided introspection to identify, understand, and work with different parts of the self.
Through visualization and dialogue, individuals learn to communicate with their inner parts, fostering self-awareness and self-compassion.
Whether you're new to therapy or looking for additional tools for personal growth, exploring Internal Family Systems can be a transformative journey towards greater self-awareness and well-being.
Emotion Regulation Skills for Ethically Non-Monogamous Folks
One particularly crucial aspect of maintaining healthy and happy ethically non-monogamous relationships (ENM) is mastering emotion regulation skills. Let’s explore the importance of emotion regulation in these relationships and provide practical tips to help you navigate complex feelings.
Why Emotion Regulation Matters
Complex Feelings are Inevitable: In any intimate relationship, emotions like jealousy, insecurity, and fear can arise. In ethically non-monogamous relationships, these feelings may be more pronounced due to the presence of multiple partner(s).
Communication is Key: Ethical non-monogamy relies heavily on the three C's: communication, consideration, and consent. Effective emotion regulation ensures that these conversations are productive and respectful rather than reactive and hurtful.
Preserving Relationships: Unchecked emotions can strain relationships. Learning to manage these feelings can help preserve the bonds you share with your partner(s).
Remember that emotional growth is
an ongoing process, and with practice, your relationships can flourish.
Practical Emotion Regulation Skills
Self-Awareness: Understanding your emotional triggers is the first step. Are you prone to jealousy or insecurity? Knowing your emotional hotspots allows you to address them proactively. Reminder: jealousy happens and that’s okay!
Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and deep breathing exercises, can help you stay present and avoid getting lost in a whirlwind of negative thoughts and feelings.
Communication: Regular, honest, and compassionate communication with your partner(s) is crucial. Share your emotions openly but without blame. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs while limiting “You” statements which remove any ownership over your own emotions.
Compersion: Embrace the concept of compersion, which is the feeling of joy that comes from seeing your partner(s) happy with someone else. Cultivating compersion can help counteract jealousy and insecurity.
Boundaries: Clearly define your boundaries and needs so you can communicate them to your partner(s). This not only helps you feel more secure but also ensures everyone is on the same page.
Seek Support: Reach out to friends, support groups, or an ENM affirming therapist (I love working with folks who are ENM) who understand non-monogamous relationships. Talking to others who have experienced similar feelings can be incredibly reassuring and creates a sense of community in a world that stigmatized non-monogamy.
Time and Patience: Emotion regulation is a skill that takes time to develop. Be patient with yourself and your partners as you navigate these emotions together.
You Deserve Recovery From Codependency
As humans we gravitate towards familiar situations and often find ourselves in relationships that look like our childhoods. It's tough and it’s also possible for things to be different too. While you don’t need a therapist to work on these tendencies, therapy can be a meaningful place to safely unpack the expectations from your upbringing that impact you today. Here are three tips to help you start addressing codependency in your life:
You deserve recovery from codependency.
Practice saying “no”: When we’re in a codependent relationship, often being placid or malleable is the other person’s dream, but learning to say “no” can transform relationships. Saying “no” will help your brain value your own decision making and help to rebuild self-trust. A solid “no” can be one of the most protective forms of self-care.
Live by your core values: What are the particular qualities that bring you the most fulfillment in life? Take the time to figure this out and write them down. From there, rank them from “Not So Important,” “Important,” and “Very Important.” Tape that to the mirror in the bathroom or keep it handy on the notes app in your phone. These core values will help serve as a guide for you when you’re feeling anxious, lonely, and or afraid. Plus, it ensures that you won’t get eclipsed by your other people’s values or needs.
Pursue a hobby or passion: Since we might have given so much time to other people, working on codependency is an opportunity to give yourself some of that time back. If you don’t know where to start, consider revisiting any old hobbies or passions that get you excited.